The Soul of Solo Travel: Finding Yourself in the World
When my relationship with Brian ended, I felt like the ground had been ripped out from under me. The bond we shared was undeniable — spiritual, magnetic, and intoxicating. But as I would later learn from Amy Chan at Breakup Bootcamp, sometimes what we’re attached to isn’t only the person themselves — it’s the cocktail of chemicals in our brain that keeps us hooked.
Love is biology as much as it is poetry. Dopamine gives you the thrill of pursuit, oxytocin cements the bond after intimacy, and cortisol spikes when the future feels uncertain. Together, it creates an addictive cycle — the highs of closeness, the lows of distance. With Brian, that cycle was powerful, and my nervous system became addicted to it. Even when my head knew the relationship wasn’t aligned, my body still craved the surges.
That’s why heartbreak can feel like withdrawal. It’s not just sadness — it’s chemical. And it’s why healing requires more than time. It requires rewiring.
Entering Esalen
In May of 2025, I did something bold. I packed my bags, booked a spot at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, and signed up for Amy Chan’s week-long Breakup Bootcamp. Alone.
To understand the significance of this, you have to know how resistant I was to the idea of traveling solo. Part of me thought it made me look like a failure, like I couldn’t find a partner or friend to share the journey. But underneath that judgment was fear — fear of being with myself, fear of facing grief head-on, fear of the unknown.
Esalen is not just a retreat center. It’s perched on the edge of the California coastline, with cliffs dropping into the Pacific, natural hot springs steaming under the stars, and gardens bursting with life. It feels like another world — one designed for both surrender and discovery.
When I arrived, I was nervous. What if everyone else came with a friend or partner? What if I stood out as the woman who couldn’t keep her relationship together? What if I spent the week drowning in sadness?
But what happened was the opposite.
The Science of Heartbreak
Amy opened the workshop with science. She explained that what we call “heartbreak” is really our nervous system reeling from the sudden absence of the chemical highs we once depended on. Just like detoxing from a substance, we need both compassion and structure to heal.
She spoke about attachment theory — how our childhood experiences shape our patterns in love. I recognized myself instantly. My early life, being sent away alone at a young age, left me with a deep need for grounding and security. Brian, on the other hand, often reached for transcendence. Neither of us was wrong, but we were mismatched. My system longed for stability. His leaned toward avoidance.
Amy challenged us to separate the fantasy bond from reality. The fantasy said Brian was my soulmate, that our emotional connection was destined. The reality said he couldn’t meet me in the 3D world — with consistency, presence, or commitment. Seeing that gap clearly was like having a spell broken. Painful, yes, but liberating.
The Power of Community
If you’ve ever thought healing is a solo act, let me tell you — there is something transformative about doing it in community.
Each day at Esalen, we gathered in circles. We shared our stories. Divorce. Betrayal. Loss. Patterns we couldn’t seem to escape. Every voice reminded me: I’m not alone in this. Heartbreak isn’t personal failure; it’s universal.
One night, I found myself in Esalen’s legendary hot springs, sitting in the water under a sky littered with stars, surrounded by strangers who somehow felt like kin. At 2 a.m., in the silence of that moment, I thought: Who is this woman? I had stepped so far outside my comfort zone, and in doing so, I had touched a version of myself I didn’t know existed — brave, expansive, open.
It was also where I met Joseph — proof that even in the midst of heartbreak, new connections can bloom when you’re willing to show up vulnerably.
The Soul of Solo Travel
That week sparked more than healing. It awakened me to the soul of solo travel.
Traveling alone is more than logistics — booking flights, figuring out hotels, reading reviews. It’s about stepping into the unknown without a safety net. It forces you to face your own company. And strangely, it shows you how much community exists in the world when you allow yourself to connect.
Solo travel isn’t about being alone. It’s about learning you are enough. That you can trust yourself to navigate new places, embrace new friendships, and rewrite your story.
I used to think solo travel was for people braver than me. But the truth is, bravery is born in the act itself. You don’t feel ready before you go. You feel ready because you went.
Practical Wisdom for the Journey
Esalen taught me the inner work, but solo travel also calls for practical wisdom. For those considering their own journey:
Start with intuition. Notice the destinations that keep calling you — whether through conversations, dreams, or a tug in your gut. That’s your compass.
Budget realistically. Solo doesn’t mean cheap. Some places, like Singapore, can be surprisingly expensive. Do the research.
Prioritize safety. Read reviews, choose neighborhoods wisely, and arrange transport ahead of time. Apps, eSIMs, and even local guides can give peace of mind.
Lean on your network. Ask friends who’ve been where you’re going. Solo doesn’t mean isolated; connections extend through communities.
Allow for magic. Some of the best experiences aren’t planned. Leave room for spontaneity.
Rewiring Through Travel
Breakup Bootcamp gave me the tools:
Detoxing from the addictive cycle with Brian.
Repatterning my choices in love.
Embodiment of self-worth, building a life rooted in my value.
Expansion through compassion — for him, for myself, and for the possibilities ahead.
Travel gave me the practice. Each trip was a chance to embody those lessons, to see myself not as broken, but as brave. Every new city, every stranger turned friend, became evidence that I was no longer defined by the story of my breakup, but by the story I was choosing to write.
The Invitation
The soul of solo travel lies in its paradox: you go out into the world to discover the strength that’s been inside you all along.
For me, what began as heartbreak became freedom. What felt like an ending became an invitation. And what I feared most — being alone — became the gateway to realizing I was never truly alone at all.
So if you’re standing at a crossroads — whether it’s after a breakup, a career shift, or simply a longing for something more — consider this your sign. Book the flight. Sign up for the retreat. Step into the unknown.
Because sometimes the only way to find yourself again is to step into the world, solo — and discover that your soul was always bigger than the story you left behind.
